New Year' Eve Faux Pas Story

I had been invited to a friend of a friend’s for New Year’s Eve. My friend Albertine warned me not to be too inquisitive. As a matter of fact I had already met our hosts on a previous occasion.

Madeleine opened the door. She was wearing a green outfit from head to toe and she was carrying a green leather hand bang at arm’s length like the Queen does. Wanting to please I said « oh what a lovely hand bag you’ve got there Madeleine. Where did you… ? » At this point Albertine discretely gave elbowed me so I didn’t pursue the matter at hand.

We were served lovely green petits fours with green tea and then eventually we were kindly asked to go to the dining room. We were 10 people in total and there was a table seating plan. Albertine was located miles away from me so I couldn’t rely on her foot or elbow to prevent me from any further faux pas.

The entire meal was obviously inspired by Albertine’s favorite colour : green. We had a green soufflé to start with followed by some non-indentifiable meat covered up by hot mint sauce.Eight year old Madeleine’s daughter, Rose-Marie, was seating on my right. I said : « It’s a lovely dish , you know. Obviously you’re being vegetarian yourself tonight. » She had only green vegetables on her plate and I clearly seemed to recall, she was a meat eater. Rose Marie looked at me in a funny and sad way. Trying to cheer her up I asked her about Albert. Albert was her crocodile pet who was living in their bottom pool garden. Albert was a brainy crocodile who had been rescued by Rose Marie’s parents from the last flooding in Cornwall. Marie-Rose took her napkin from her lap and bursted into tears. No doubt I had made a faux pas. I didn’t dare look at anybody as a heavy silence followed my faux pas. I just chewed the tastless food slowly.

Rose Marie was taken upstairs by her Mum and the conversation resumed fairly quickly as nothing had happened.

It’s only on our way back from the party that Albertine gave me the full picture. Albert had commited suicide on Christmas Eve. He had left a note saying that he was missing Cornwall too much and as Fred – Rose Marie’s Dad – wouldn’t even consider sending Albert back there if only for a week end – Albert had scribled down on his suicide note that he had no alternative but to flee to crocodile heaven.

In W.B. , where this story took place , it was considered as bad karma to give or sell a dead crocodile. Fred and Madeleine were very practical people so they decided to make the most of Albert’s body : clothes & bags from his skin and New Year’s Eve Dinner from his flesh.